Rick Perry, Savior of the South

Latest in the parade of good-looking white people who want to be the Republican candidate for president of the United States is someone who isn’t always sure he even wants to be part of the United States. Of course, it’s already mandatory that Republican candidates to run the government must not believe there should even be government. Except for the military. That’s like a candidate for school superintendent running on a platform of closing the school but keeping the football team. Oh wait, that’s probably a common position in Texas. Anyway, given that incongruity, it’s a minor step for Republicans to run a candidate to lead the country whose response to not getting what he wants is to break up the country. The candidate, of course, is Rick Perry—he of the secession talk in 2009, in which he declared Texas’ right to leave the USA should it so choose. Of course, maybe as a true-blooded Southerner he was just feeling mournful about how poorly it worked out for them the last time they tried that. Well, I feel for him, and I’m willing to review the results of the War Between the States on not-so-instant replay and…declare victory for the South. You won. You’re free to go, along with your anti-evolution, why do we need a central bank, keep the brown people out, slavery wasn’t really so bad candidates. And don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.